As 2012 is coming to its halfway mark next month, I started thinking of how this year has been going and what I wished would have happened. I began to unravel from the inside trying to figure out why I was not where I wanted to be. Then I realized I had to stop thinking inwardly to figure it out. Just because I am not where I ideally wish I was right now doesn't mean it is "bad". I can't see the bigger picture being painted, I don't know where I will end up. Sometimes it can be a good thing to not get what you want, but what you need. Being a spiritual person, I try to humbly accept things the way they are but it's damn hard. I feel helpless and hopeless many times. Sometimes it feels like I have to climb a mountain to get back to the road I am supposed to take. Maybe by learning to accept what is, I can start to build a future that way. We never get the ideal future we imagine, but that doesn't mean we don't get an ideal future.
As our ways of life slowly change over time, maybe what worked in the past won't work for the future. I guess I like living under the same philosophy as John Keats, that is Negative Capability: " that is, when a man is capable of being in uncertainties, mysteries,
doubts, without any irritable reaching after fact and reason". Basically, being comfortable in the uncomfortable. Always seeking out, never falling apart trying to place oneself in some rhetorical lens of life. My future is not the conventional cut and dry one I thought it would be, but would I really learn and experience life if it was handed to me?
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